Episode 131: Wits-topian Fiction

Chris is back and medicated, Wally is the only Samsung user who didn't notice any changes from the update, utopian and dystopian are not the same thing, working at Alcatraz, conservative talk show hosts who say the most outrageous things, 17-year-old know-it-alls, what we would change if we could do it over, grandmotherly treats, public mints, the awful ICE roundups, racism we've personally seen in our lives, and... more to come.

Customer "support" via Twitter, Wally had to wait 4 minutes in a drive-thru, cheesesteaks at a Mexican restaurant, Wally makes a delivery in the middle of the show, Chris doesn't show, then he does but kind of not really, backhanded compliments and commenting on bodies, understanding Velcro, a really unfortunate situation outside Jess's car, intolerable bodily secretions (TRIGGER WARNING), driver's ed, insurance is a racket, dealing with contractors, and being soothed by a southern accent (or not).

Chris just doesn't wanna, the foods you're not allowed to order (according to Wally) at certain restaurants, so many penii on TV, Gayle King's an astronaut, fast food in our various cities.

Rumors of Jess's death have been greatly exaggerated, white men's rights are being violated by social media again (insert eye roll here), class action settlement wins for everybody, scam group texts, No Hands Nancy strikes again, family drama, gambling in casinos and online, running algorithms and counting cards, giving blood, what we learned (or haven't learned) from the AIDS epidemic, and the disadvantages of being a single person that have nothing to do with romance.

Friend of the show Brad joins us to talk about being a new dad, Chris wins a major award, Wally's basically a technological genius, house smells, aging is not for the weak, severe weather warnings, Wally thinks young people don't want to learn things, the good ice, fast food automatic dispensers, what NOT to do with certain candies, parenting teenage girls, Brad and Jess find out each other's real names after 20 years of friendship, and protecting your ID on the internet.

The radio station Jess and Wally first worked together at is gone, fishing belongs to Trump supporters, we've gotten to the bottom of why Chris's connection cuts out, Wally's sister and why Jess's mom is like that, Chris tells a TERRIBLE joke, bad employees and employers, HR is not to protect the workers, Wally can no longer lift all that water, Jess continues to be unable to find a stud, travel plans and pool showers, internet radio and people who don't know how to use it, and tips for better pooping (you're welcome, America!)

In this week's war plans group chat, Chris and his fiancée adjust to the new house, the NAB show, a radio company makes an advertising offer we absolutely can refuse, radio history and ratings, Wally's daughter makes an important self discovery, the ways in which women have evolved and men have not, the Signal chat heard round the world, accents and pronunciations, Making Radio Fun Again ? , Taylor Dane and other '80s music,

Wally's medical knowledge about food (Jess's eyes are going to get stuck rolled back in her head), iHeartRadio does it again, the state of Tennessee tries to screw Jess -- and not in a good way, the dudes start talking about poop as soon as the woman leaves the room, a man got shot by his dog, Wally doesn't understand the joke, how emergency alerts are sent now, Google Fiber ignores "no soliciting" signs, Texans and other southerners, and political blah blah blah.

Chris pops in mid-Chiropracting, Wally has no idea where Dutch people come from, bringing up uncomfortable subjects, RIP retirement funds, WTF even is cryptocurrency, New York is so much more than NYC, hoarders among us, things we've stolen from previous jobs, when radio used to be fun, and transgender mice (and humans!). Hey... would you please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Scott Schlein?!

Our cures for sore throats and dry mouth (we are not medical professionals, don't do what we do), bad breath in radio studios, vegan maple syrup, stupid bank and credit union policies, a listener note for Wally, hotels without a concierge, radio payola revisited, Chris finally buys a new house, fun radio interviews, when couples argue, and Jess's mother strikes again.